Crime Doesn't Pay!
by LA
Summary: Mischief with the Prince of Thieves and his cousins :o


**Disclaimer:**** All characters and the concept of this story belong to Marvel. I haven't 'written the accents', so you'll have to use your imagination.**

**Crime Doesn't Pay**

"Come on Emil, you're such un escargot!"

"It's not me Remy, it's Etienne! I'm just waiting for him,"

"I'm coming, wait up!"

The three young boys ran through the swampland without losing their footing or stumbling once. They knew this patch of land as though it was their own back yard – in fact, it practically was.

It was yet another scorching day in the Bayous of Louisiana, U.S.A. and the boys were bored. Finally they reached the road. Remy LeBeau, along with his cousin Emil Lapin, jumped on the bus. Etienne Marceux, a cousin two years their junior, tagged along for the day.

"Where are we going?" asked Etienne. Emil turned to Remy.

"Why are we on this bus? Isn't it headed out the other side of the city?" Emil asked.

"We, mes amis, are going to the air show," Remy replied smugly. His friends gaped at him mouths hanging open. They'd been begging their parents to buy them tickets to see the air show for weeks, but they were all sold out.

"How? We don't have any tickets!" Etienne cried in disbelief. Emil had already figured out his best friend's plan.

"Are we not, little cousin, the sons of the heads of the world's largest organized crime operation!" Emil grinned.

"Hush! Not so loud! Papa'll have my head!" Remy hissed.

"You mean you're going to... I know you're good Remy but there are a thousand cameras in that place!" Fear was clearly spelled across Etienne's face as he whispered the warning to his cousin, but Remy LeBeau only waved his hand.

"Not an issue," he replied cockily. Etienne sat biting his lip for the rest of the journey.

When the bus finally drew up to the fences of the military base from which the air show was to be launched, Etienne's worry had lessened. They jumped out and joined the crowd milling around the gates of the as yet unopened base. Remy spied some unsuspecting tourists with a few tickets sticking handily out of their pockets. He soon rid them of their small slips of card.

"Remy! How could you!" the young Cajun squeaked.

"I don't know, they just sort of were crying out 'steal me, steal me'!" His older cousin grinned. Emil snickered.

At long last the boys were able to make their entrance past the guard with a wave of a ticket. On their way in, they saw a couple with two children complaining that they had four tickets when they arrived and couldn't think why there were only three now. The guard was having none of it and insisted they have a ticket each.

"Here, you can have this one," said Remy, "my father couldn't make it," he explained and handed a ticket to the daughter flashing her his most charming grin.

"Oh, thank you," she cooed. His companions rolled their eyes. Remy was far from being ugly and that, along with his famous one-thousand-watt smile, got him just about any girl he cared to date.

"You stole an extra so you could give it back and be a hero," groaned Emil once they were out of the guard's earshot, "how resourceful," Remy then took a sweeping bow, his dark sunglasses almost toppling off his nose.

To their great disappointment, the air show was extremely dull, although Remy and Emil seemed to find the airplanes themselves fascinating. Etienne never understood why.

"Hey, I know, let's go and find some of those planes!" said Emil.

"Excellent idea! Let's go!" Remy seemed excited and Etienne knew all too well, that meant trouble.

"Where will we find airplanes?" Etienne whined, "Aren't they all in the air?"

"Don't be silly Etienne. They keep some in the hangars all the time," Emil was trying his best to ignore his younger relative.

"You can't break into a hangar! Remy! I'll tell oncle!" he complained.

"You will not," said the older boy and fixed Etienne with an icy glare. There was no arguing with that look.

"You don't have to come, cousin," said Emil trying to comfort him. Remy was already searching for the hangar.

"No, I-I'm coming," he stuttered nervously.

Fifteen minutes, a small miracle and a lot of thieving skills later, they were standing in a room full of black shiny beasts. The three young men stood staring in awe at the fantastic sight in front of them, dwarfed by the metal machines.

"Wow."

"Cool."

They stood for a few seconds longer before approaching the nearest vehicle and proceeded to examine its smooth exterior.

"I wonder if we can get inside?" the young thief pondered.

Etienne spoke up, "Oh no, no way, you're not going to get inside. Next thing I know, you'll be trying to fly the thing!"

"Don't be silly," Emil said, but a small grin crept across Remy's face.

Another ten minutes and Emil was in the back of the plane, with Remy up in the front of the cockpit. The plane started making a noise that no stationary object should, in Etienne's opinion. To his astonishment, Remy had managed to start the contraption, God only knows how.

"Remy?" he asked, "What are we going to do?"

"Let's get Etienne to open the doors and we can fly out of here!"

"That's ridiculous!" Emil replied, throwing his arms in the air. At the same time Remy turned back to retort – accidentally touching the controls below him with his knee.

The plane lurched forward and launched itself straight into the plane parked across the hangar and the two crumpled forms of what used to be government aircrafts crashed unceremoniously into the hangar wall. Etienne could only stand in horror as a sickening silence fell throughout the enormous chamber.

Remy awoke in a stark white room, lying in a bed as comfortable as a concrete slab. He spied his two cousins on the other side of the room – Etienne sobbing quietly and Emil lying, apparently unconscious in another bed. A hospital? No, he began to remember, the military base. He jumped out of bed.

"Etienne wake Lapin up, we've got to get out of here!" he whispered urgently.

"We can't, the police and the army and everyone are here and, and..." he was sobbing uncontrollably by now.

"Ugh," Emil woke up clutching his head.

"Lapin, we've got to get out of here, NOW! Etienne, do they know who we are?"

"No, just our first names. Are you ok? The medical people said you needed time to recover properly and the wounds were only external," Etienne worried.

"I'll be fine," came the reply, "Lapin?"

"I'll live," he croaked.

"Let's move then!"

They made a mad dash for the main exit past confused staff and mean looking soldiers with very dangerous looking guns. They managed to slip into the exiting crowd of people and out of the military facility, then ran and ran until they were sure there was nobody on their tail.

By the time they made it home, it was well past midnight. The boys' parents were furious but Remy pretended to be drunk and his father just said he'd speak with him in the morning. Etienne cried and cried until his parents were so caught up in trying to comfort him they didn't bother question him in case he started howling again. Emil told his mother that he'd been kidnapped by aliens, to which she replied "that's nice dear". She had long since given up on her eldest son.

There was little news coverage on the subject but there were rumours of 'spies' and 'unguarded government projects' going around. Nobody would ever suspect two teenagers as the culprits who destroyed two U.S. government aircrafts. There were only three young boys who knew the whole truth.

In fact, Etienne found the knowledge quite useful for blackmailing his elder cousins and found he could get whatever he wanted from them. The three had grown so sure of themselves that they had no alibi when a FBI agent came knocking at Mr. LeBeau's door, asking for any knowledge of a crashed government prototype aircraft, almost six weeks later. Luckily he'd told the agent the boys were on a fishing trip with Remy's older brother, Henri, but then Remy's father had to know the truth. He'd seen them on some of the clips from the air show that were shown on the television already, so there was no escaping their punishment, even with Remy's silver tongue.

Early every morning, for three months, they were sent on a gruelling training session until lunchtime. For Remy, getting up before midday under any circumstances was preposterous and totally unheard of, but for once he gave no argument.

Mr. LeBeau supposed that he was letting the children off lightly for breaking the law, but then again, he was the King of Thieves after all.

Three months later, Remy and his father were returning home from the very last punishment session, which Remy – being very athletic – had secretly enjoyed, despite the hours. His father turned to him before going in the house.

"I can't help feeling I'm not being strict enough with you. I hope you've learned something from this."

"Of course I have Papa," he gave his father his best puppy-dog eyes (albeit demonic ones).

"What did you learn, mon fils?" his father asked, suddenly thinking perhaps he'd been too strict (those eyes got him every time)!

"Crime doesn't pay," Remy smiled his sweetest smile, innocently. His father rolled his eyes as they both stepped into the six-story, eighteen-bedroom mansion.

**LA**

**Thanks for reading! This was written in 2001 so apologies for the childish style.**

**Oh and I know I blatantly got the idea from an episode of the Simpsons :o)**


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